A long obedience in the same direction...

I've been learning, for almost twenty years now, that this life is a "long obedience in the same direction" and sometimes that is overwhelming. Just those words "long" "obedience" and "same" can give me quite a pit in my stomach. I was talking to a friend yesterday about my 15 year college reunion coming up this summer. She said something like, "I bet a lot has changed since then." Well actually I realized how many things are still the same in my life. 

When you graduate college, it feels like the world is at your finger tips, and you can go anywhere, do anything, meet the man of your dreams and name your kids those adorable names that you've already thought about and shared with your girlfriends while eating that 12th double-stuffed Oreo that you said you wouldn't eat. 

My life, on the other hand hasn't been exactly like that. Well, the Oreos have been there and I've gone many places and done lots of things. But it's been God's way, God's choosing. I wouldn't have chosen this life. Is it sinful to admit that? Or are you surprised?

Yet, I have the greatest life. I see redemption almost everyday. I've seen countless young people cross over from death to life. I've believed that Jesus is going to save, refine, change and sanctify so many whom I love, and He has done it. He is still doing it. I've been to places all over the world because of this life God chose. I would say that His plan far exceeds any I could dream up. 

One day while talking to a friend about being in my 30's and being (very) single, I said a phrase that I have said many times. "I am fine being single and I love my job on Young Life staff, and I know God has ordained this for me & I couldn't spend the time I spend with kids and leaders if I was married, but being married is still my highest desire." After I said it to her, I was stopped by a very clear thought. I realized, no it's not. My highest desire is that lost and lonely and desperate and angry and faithless people would repent and believe in Jesus.

There was such a comfort in that thought. I'm so thankful that not only did God change my desired path to His perfect plan, He also gave me an undivided heart for Him. Now, this is in no way a marriage-bashing post or a single-life manifesto. Just to be clear, being married, having a partner in this life, is right up there at the top of my list of desires... but until then Jesus is my husband and partner. He is my home, and He is faithful.

I don't think life, married or single, can be lived in any other way. If we knew three steps ahead, one year ahead, I don't think we could take it. I know personally I would try to control, manipulate or just plain fight it. The Lord knows what He is doing to give us one step, one opportunity, one day at a time. Could I have handled the burden of being 36 and single when I was 22 and restless? I pray that each of us can let go of what's going to happen in 2 days or 2 years and live out that "long obedience in the same direction" one day at a time, knowing that the gentle and kind hand of the Lord guides us.